“Housework, if it is done right, can kill you.”
— John Skow
My wife asked me to clean the toilet tonight. I didn’t ask why.
However, I did think of all the ways a good husband could respond to a toilet cleaning request. I hope this helps you guys out there.
- Run. Always the number one option.
- Immediately schedule a conflict. I recommend Google calendar.
- Feign ignorance. “What toilet?”
- Discover a gas leak. It does relate.
- Seek a second opinion. And third.
- Discover that deafness runs in your family. “What?”
- Remember that ADHD is sometimes handy. Self-explanatory.
- Ask yourself why you didn’t bring home flowers tonight. And every night.
- Promise to cook dinner for a week instead. Maybe two.
- Ask how. Repeatedly.
- Procrastinate. It’s a great de-motivational tool.
- Realize this is a good teaching-moment for your kids.
- Spare no expense. Call the maid service.
- Ask why. Duck.
- Consult the internet for instructions. Then play Farmville instead.
- Tell your wife you love her. Hugs help too.
- Ask where the bathroom is.
- Explain how cleaning the neighbors toilet would be an invasion of privacy. Duck.
- Seek a fourth opinion. And fifth.
- Be a good husband and just do it. She’s done it for you a hundred times already.
I was a good husband and cleaned a toilet.