“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”
— Author Unknown
Listen to a child and it’s easy to figure out who they are blaming for their problems. They’re very direct.
But listen to an adult, and it’s a little more subtle.
But here’s a clue. Listen to how they start a sentence describing a problem.
- “The government/IRS/ wants more money this year… “
- “He/she did made this mess … “
- “Republicans/Democrats want to …”
- “My wife/husband wants me to … “
- “My kid needs a ride again …”
As opposed to,
- “My taxes increased this year and …”
- “This is a mess …”
- “This plank in the Republican platform will cause …”
- “I need to …”
- “I will pick up my kid at …”
The latter examples focus on the problem, the former focus on who’s to blame.
I’m pretty sure that the people who seem to have it all together, the leaders, the respected, the wise, are the people who time and time again start their sentences, and their thinking, with what is the problem. Not who.
Think about the problems in your life. Then think about your own language, and the language of those around you. It may be a subtle clue as to where you put your focus. And why some problems never go away.
Do you focus on the person or the problem?
Yesterday’s gift of time … I needed to pick up my son at 6pm after another after-school activity. Tried hard not to blame the long drive on an excuse not to get other things done.